Excerpts: Out of the Past
He turned to look at her. “Sorry, I’m having trouble concentrating. It’s not about you. I’m not sure what’s causing it.”
“Would you like to talk about it? I’d be happy to listen.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“That’s not like you.”
“None of this is like me.” His face changed, darker. “And please let it go, you’re making me uncomfortable.”
“I’m making you uncomfortable. Whoa, babe, it’s me you’re talking to, the gal who’s in love with you.”
“Don’t make it into a big deal, Callie. Just let it go.”
“Are you looking to create a problem between us? If you remember, this happened three days ago. I was asking about Sara, about her baby, and you were short with me, told me you didn’t want to talk about her or him.”
“So? I didn’t want to talk about that, and I don’t want to talk about this.”
“Listen to yourself. Are you unhappy with me? About anything?” Cash frowned. “Why can’t you just let this alone?
“Because I’m in love with you, even when you act like a jerk…and something is wrong. And if you can get off your high horse, you’ll know that’s true.”
Cash turned away, took a breath.
“You remember, less than a week ago, you were irritated with The Macher on the phone about some complicated, possibly illegal gem deal. He was concerned, worried about you. He let it go, but he asked me about it later.”
Cash turned back.
Callie touched his forearm, tender.
He took her hand, another breath. “Okay, yeah… I’m sorry… You’re right… Something is off, wrong, and I have no idea what it is.”
“What can you tell me about it?”
“Well, I’m depressed often, and that, in turn, makes me quick to anger. More and more, I’m quick to anger, like now, for no reason.” He paused, thinking about something.
She waited, patiently.
“Truthfully, lately, I’ve been preoccupied with my past, even my childhood. Nothing specific, nothing I can focus on… But I’m missing my mother. Remembering things about her. As you know, she died when I was seven. I haven’t really thought about her for many years.”
“Do you have any idea why this is happening now?”
“It might be because I have a new daughter. But I don’t know why that would make me angry.”
“What about your grandson? You do have a new three-month-old grandson.”
“He, and Sara, are the most exciting things that have happened to me since I fell in love with you. Why—how—could Sara’s baby possibly make me angry or get me depressed?”
“That’s a good question. Honey, in my opinion, you could use some good help, an expert in sorting out things like this. I know a good man, a psychiatrist, who could help you.”
“A psychiatrist…me, a psychiatrist? Are you kidding?”
More from Out of the Past
“Who’s Abe Stein?” Sara asked, not wanting to miss a thing.
Callie looked at Cash, a question.
Cash nodded.
Callie turned to Sara, “Your dad is in therapy. Abe Stein is his therapist.”Sara smiled wide. “Okay… Wow. That’s great news.”
“Why?” Cash asked.
“We were worried about you.”
“You were… About what?”
“I’m sure you’re aware that you’ve been getting angry easily.
Inappropriately. And you do seem depressed.”
“I didn’t think you knew about that?”
“I’m your daughter, Dad. I think about you, and when you’re not doing well, I worry about you.”
Callie smiled, put her hand on Sara’s shoulder.
“Like what?”
“Like last week when you went off on Alvaro about spending too much time on his Florida business, about how he should be spending more time with his new family.”
“Well, he should, damnit.” Cash responded, irritated. “Hell, do I need to explain that again?”
“That’s exactly what I mean. Our family is great. Alvaro never does anything before we both agree. Same for me. And not only are you simply wrong about this, it’s way out of line to talk about it in this way.”
Callie jumped in, “She’s right, it’s what we’ve been talking about.” Cash sighed, put a palm up. “Okay… Okay.”
The baby was waking up, aroused by the tense interchange. Sara stood, handed Young Cash, who was crying now, to Callie.
Cash looked at the startled baby. “Sorry. If both of you agree, and apparently, the baby agrees too, I’m sure you’re right. Alvaro, does that include you?” Cash turned.
“Yes, if it wasn’t so obviously out of character, I would have responded angrily last time. Instead, we tried to figure out what was going on. What might be wrong? We even asked Callie about it earlier today, and she said that no one, including you, seemed to know. Can you help?”
“No. Not really. That’s why, thanks to a strong push from Callie, I went into therapy. And since everyone seems to be more aware of this than I knew, I can only ask all of you to bear with me. I can promise you that I can’t imagine four other people—I’m including my spectacular grandson—that I love and respect more. So, if I’m being unfairly angry, I sincerely apologize for what I’ve done. I wish I could say that it won’t happen again, but I can’t. I have no idea why this is happening, and I’m afraid it will happen again. I’m worried that I may inadvertently make a mistake, do something stupid, hurt a loved one. This is all totally new for me. And very hard for me to control or manage. That’s why I need help. Good help.”
“Say more,” Sara asked.
“It’s like there’s something going on inside of me that I don’t understand. I think it’s trying to get out, to surface, but I can’t quite reach it—that’s my best guess about where the anger is coming from. It’s too early to tell, but I think I may have a good therapist, and I’m hoping he’ll help.”
“Let us help, however we can,” Sara said.
More from Out of the Past
“Don’t worry, I didn’t ask that… The question is—would he kill his own mother’s lover, to give Corey the opportunity to become his wife?”
“No. No… Abe Stein?” Callie asked, a tense whisper.
“He did that… His mother’s lover was Nick Season, the front-runner for State Attorney General, the same man who framed Abe’s wife-to-be, Corey. Abe convinced Corey to come back and face Nick rather than run away. He convinced her to face him together. Abe lured Nick in, then when Nick tried to kill them both, Abe, the shrink who couldn’t drive, shot Nick twice in the chest.”
“Your therapist did that?” Sara asked, breathless.
“He did.”
“I never heard of a shrink like that … Hire that guy.”
More from Out of the Past
“Because I wasn’t a good enough son?”
“Of course not, but a seven-year-old might fear that such an unthinkable event would never have happened otherwise. If only you’d loved your father more, if only you’d idealized him as he wanted you to —”
“Or if I didn’t really, secretly, want to hurt him.”
“Did you?”
“I did wish that he was not so angry…that he was nicer to me and took better care of my mother.”
“Can you say more?”
“Like what?” Cash put two fingers on his right temple, massaging a headache that was coming on.
“Like how he could have taken better care of your mother.”
“Why do you keep asking me that?”
“Because you said it.”
“Can you just back off and stop putting words in my mouth?”
“Do you think I’m doing that?”
“Obviously. I know what you want me to say, want me to think, and I’m getting tired of how you try to get me to say things I may not want to say.” He was rubbing his neck now with one hand while he pressed his right temple with two fingers.
“Do you have a headache? Are you angry?” “Yes… Yes.”
“Why?”
“You’re being a jerk.”
“How?”
“Just back off.”
“OK. Let’s carry on tomorrow.” “If I come…”
“That’s up to you. But please, give us a chance to figure out why you get so irrationally angry. I think I’ve just had a glimpse of it, and you need to learn to manage it.”
“Fuck you.”
“Hope to see you tomorrow.”
Cash stood, turned to the door, then he turned back. “This was a mistake.”
“Think about it. Sleep on it, before you decide.”